Ignite
by Porcelain-Carrier-67
Summary: After two years apart, Sakura and Syaoran meet again. Has everything fallen past the brink of sanity? Or does their extinguished love still have a spark left? ALL DONE WITH
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura or any of their labels and plushies, no matter how cute they are.

Summary: After two years apart, Sakura and Syaoran meet again. Has everything fallen past the brink of sanity? Or does their extinguished love still have a spark left?

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Chapter 1

Sakura looked out of her window, sighing in a tiny whisper, her vivid green eyes watching the trails of rain make their way out of sight. Kero-chan watched with her only momentarily before flopping onto her bed, jumping up and down, fighting imaginary video game villains in his plush toy form as Syaoran would have described it.

Sakura winced a little at his name, but not much anymore. The gaping hole in her chest was all but sealed. Soon, she'd be able to scream his full name out from her rooftop as many times as she pleased. The thought made her smile.

Changing into her pajamas, she threw Kero-chan back into his drawer with a cup of pudding and a good night. He sang and jumped around within his "room" for a while, then quieted down. Sakura was glad Toya hadn't come in to check on the loud noises Kero-chan often caused. 

Even if he knew her secret, it was still annoying to be called a monster and lectured on the noise she didn't even _make_. At least tomorrow was Saturday. She planned on leaving Kero-chan home, walking through the park, then lounge in the grass for a few hours, letting the sun warm her up like a cat. It was the next to last thought she had before sleeping. The last one squeezed itself in and caused a fraction of a tear to wet her eye.

Syaoran smiled and wished her good night.

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"SAKURA! SAKURA! SAKURA! ……SAKURA!"

"_WHAT IS IT!_"

"Good morning!" Kero-chan smiled.

She flopped back down with a groan. The once warm spot was now splayed with sudden cold. Damn unpredictable Spring weather.

Kero-chan resumed flying around, out of intense boredom, singing some happy theme song she knew nothing of.

"Are you watching the clouds ring blue 

Bells of the love you're looking for?

Grant what you please and never rest

I know you too well

The stars take their time shining on you

And it makes me see my love overjoyed.

It was hard to get in

And now I can't get out

But in here with you

I feel safe and at home

'Cause only you make me smile and only you

Make wishes in the reality with magic

I can't get a hold of just yet.

In--"

"SHUT UP, KERO-CHAN! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" she screamed, throwing a pillow over her ears.

Sakura cried silently, trying to sew up the ragged wound being opened unwillingly. The air she breathed in scorched and burned her lungs, making her tears fall more and more.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Sakura…" Toya began, opening it, "Is everything okay?"

"Get out." she responded.

"I heard you shouting and wanted to know who got the monster so riled up." he explained, shooting a glare at Kero-chan.

She flew up at his sentence, tears giving way to anger. His glare subsided.

"Stop calling me that, Toya!" she demanded, pounding the covers, deciding better and throwing them off. "I don't care if I bother you and I don't care if I make too much noise! Just get out and go to work! Or better yet--" she grabbed a bundle of clothes and shoved him out of her room with Kero-chan, adding: "--I'LL GO!"

Slamming it, she huffed and dressed into a green sweater, black jeans and a blue jacket. He knocked on her door.

"It's raining outside." Toya informed.

"All the better!" she grumbled crossly, shoving the window open and grabbing an umbrella.

"Are you actually _going_ out there!" he caught on, opening the door hastily.

The curtains were silently whispering and the room was empty, rain already soaking the carpet.

"Nice one." Kero-chan commented.

"Shut up, you plushie." he shot back.

"What was that!" he growled.

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The rain pelted her weak _sun_-shielding umbrella. Why she didn't notice it was beyond her. The pallid colors were so obvious, now that they were unfolded. Her feet positioned themselves opposite to her intended course. She was unsure as to why, until her brain registered the irregular sounds coming from Penguin Park. Sakura let the wind blow the now useless umbrella away from her grasp. It tumbled freely with the unsettled wind.

Sakura let the empty hand drop to her side and shuffled forward, somehow intrigued by the noise. It was chains, rusted lightly, going back and forth. She stopped at the entrance to spy on the figure swinging at such an odd time.

The boy wore a black coat, opened, letting in rain. The wore jeans like her and from a distance she noticed his red shirt. His dark brown hair fell over his face, his head hanging down.

_Wonder what happened to him? It doesn't seem fair he's so sad. _She thought to herself.

Her "rational" voice answered: _You were sad too. You didn't had anyone to help you out--why help some soaked idiot like him?_

Sakura responded curtly. _If I didn't have it and got along, who's to say he's the same?_

Walking over to the boy, she stopped a good 10 meters away. He hadn't seen her yet, so he kept mumbling something she could finally hear as he swung.

"What I lost is better than what I gained.

It's all gone from here, hung out to dry in the rain.

How can it be

I was too stupid to see

The one good thing that saved me?"

Before he could continue, Sakura stepped over, bent down and put a finger to his lips. His wet amber eyes looked at her.

"You don't deserve to hurt yourself like this." she offered.

"I do, though." he replied.

"Why?" she questioned, sitting on the abandoned swing next him, chilled terribly, but determined to learn more.

He turned his head away. "I hurt her so bad."

"People do forgive, you know."

"I'm unforgivable."

"No, you aren't." she pushed.

Suddenly, he spun around and took both her hand tightly, once sad eyes blazing with unrestrained fury.

"You wouldn't know anything! You only came over because you--"

"I came because I _wanted_ to!" she defended, standing up and yelling back. "Did you ever think we may not be so different? That I may have the same problems as you? I swear, you're just like--"

It clicked and she never finished, the words dying instantly.

The drenched and unforgivable boy in front of her was Li Syaoran.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of it's trademarks because I couldn't bribe Kero-chan with enough pudding.

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Chapter 2

Sakura took less than two steps back before her legs couldn't carry their weight anymore. She landed in a murky brown puddle of mud, causing some of it to splash on not only the entire back side of her outfit, but her face as well. Her green eyes flicked between torment and confusion as the rain pelted her forehead painfully. Had it always hurt so much?

_He shouldn't be here…He should be gone, and yet--why is Syaoran here!_

She bit her tongue, clutching the fabric on top of chest to prevent the wound from deepening. 

Syoaran, still not knowing who _she_ was, crawled over to her and leaned in close. Hurting as she was, Sakura still blushed.

"You look hurt." he stated.

"You don't look much better yourself." she joked back.

Sakura bit her tongue again for being so nonchalant.

Syaoran chuckled and held an outstretched hand towards her, standing up. She was going to refuse and run off, but he must had sensed this and said:

"Mud is really slippery, and I'd hate to have to tell your family that you got hurt because you were being clumsy."

She took his hand roughly and protested: "I've been clumsy ever since I went to Tomoeda!" If she bit her tongue any harder, it'd fall into the mud like her. 

"Tomoeda, eh?" he asked almost hesitantly.

"A-A lot of people go there!" she dismissed, turning away.

He grabbed her wrist suddenly to make her stop. She'd forgotten how his hands really felt.

"Did you…did you know a Ms. Sakura Kinomoto?" he breathed. 

Sakura dropped her head in defeat, knowing he had found her out. And she knew there was no way to lie this one off. The Mirror card wouldn't work without Syaoran realizing it was a ruse. At least maybe her name hurt too.

"Yeah, I did."

"Really!" he brightened, swinging me around, "Where is she? Does she live--" he cut himself off.

She let her tears fall freely. "She died, Syaoran. She used to be Sakura, but…some things can't be fixed in only two years."

His grip slackened immediately. "…S-Sakura?" he blinked.

She shook her head. "I left with you, but got lost. I'm not coming back."

Sakura turned away once more and walked against the storm; the rain feeling like grazing bullets on her skin. Why did it hurt so much more now?

Then she was protected from the water.

Syaoran had ran after her, opened his umbrella and out it over her. Before she could run away or even say thank you, he held onto her fiercely.

Sakura stopped walking and let him. He sobbed freely into her shoulder, holding her around the waist with so much determination, a car could have hit him and he would have held onto her. 

He had found her.

What was left of her.

And he knew it was all his fault.

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"Syaoran, I'm home now." she whispered to the clinging boy.

Sakura bore no hard feelings for him, because she realized walking that _this_ new Syaoran she didn't know for more than twenty minutes. If he died on her front porch, what more could she feel for him than a shrug? Do you cry for the people who are killed 3,000 miles away? That's what it felt like, so she had no problem with him holding on like a motherless cat.

"Can I stay? For just a little?" he pleaded, his voice strained.

"Yes, you can." she patted his head with no emotion. "I can get to know you. What do you like to drink?"

He flinched, as if slapped instead. "You _know_ what I like. You've _known_ me for a while."

Sakura shook her head. "I knew the old Syaoran. He's gone too, but _you_…you're brand new."

He was silent as she put her key into the lock and twisted the brass knob.

"SAKURA!" Kero-chan sang, plowing into her face.

"Yes, Kero-chan?"

"I missed you! I'm sorry I got too loud--PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" he begged.

She removed him by the tail so he hung upside down.

"I accept your apology. Besides, this drowned rat may have died if I hadn't found him." she showed.

"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Kero-chan screamed.

Syaoran held his ears in pain.

"WHY IS HE HERE--DIDN'T HE DIE OR GET EATEN BY A LAKE MONSTER OR SOMETHING! HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE, THAT'S FOR SURE!"

Toya came up and flicked him into the wall. "Shut up, you ball of overactive fuzz."

He took one look at Syaoran and hoisted him up by the collar of his shirt, hissing in his ear: "Why are you back? Do you realize how much you hurt her? If she wasn't standing right in front of me, I'd kill you."

He nodded. "You don't have to wait that long. I can see what I did."

Syaoran looked at him, as meek as a mouse, no fight summoned up.

"How odd. Normally you would have gone for my throat."

"The word 'normal' has changed."

He put him down.

"Why are you so mean to him? He's my guest, isn't he?" Sakura demanded.

Toya stared at her, open-mouthed. "This is the guy who made you cry yourself to sleep every night and wake up screaming! Why is he even within 25 meters of you!"

Sakura looked back blankly.

"That's not him. I don't know this Syaoran--the one who hurt me is gone, right? He's been gone for a while, Toya."

He grabbed her face and made her look at Syaoran.

"How can you not see the same boy you saw a couple years ago?" he pried. Sakura looked up.

"Maybe _I'm _not the same _girl _I was a couple years ago." she answered.

Linking arms with Syaoran, she dragged him into the kitchen.

"It's like she's never met this kid before in her life."

"You can see it just as well as me, Toya--she doesn't think she _has_ ever met him." Kero-chan corrected.

Sakura laughed loudly in the kitchen, same as any laugh.

Toya now realized how forced they sounded.

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I know it may seem confusing, but here's the low-down: to prevent her any pain, Sakura's mind instantly made her think of Syaoran as "old" and "new". This way, she could continue forgetting the "old" Syaoran and get to know this one--like they were two completely different people. But how long will this last, eh? Is Toya gonna bash poor little Syaoran's brains in? Will Kero-chan begin singing once more? 

Thanks for reading and see you next chapter! (If you have any complainants or suggestions, _please write them down_.) I can't learn if all I see a loads of cookies and words of praise! But cookies _are_ nice…….Heheheheheheheh…


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Card Captor Sakura. Why, you ask? If I told you, I'd have to dump slimy crawling crickets all over you head, and we don't want that…right?

THIS IS GOING TO BE A SHORT CHAPTER AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT, I REALLY DO

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Chapter 3

Syaoran pushed the noodles Sakura had made for him around on his plate. Sitting here, just watching her sing and twirl, was upsetting. It was just…wrong. Maybe two years ago when they still "knew" each other, but now? No, not now. Things had changed.

Sakura knocked him on the forehead twice. "I _said_ how is the food?" she asked impatiently.

Gritting his teeth, he stood up abruptly, causing his chair to fall. He grabbed her wrist in a hard, tight grip she couldn't get out of.

"What are you--let go Syaoran!" she demanded.

"Why won't you just listen?" he whispered in a low, angered voice. She complied. "You're running away from the truth, Sakura, and _you know it_! So stop and just own up! You can't run away all your life!"

Sakura slapped him hard against the cheek.

In the living room, Toya snickered a little, then offered a prayer that Sakura wouldn't do him in, when that was clearly _his_ job.

"I'm not running away! You leave for two years and let me go like this! No goodbye at all! "I hate you" would have made me happier than the silence you kept me in!"

"Silence?" he echoed.

Red-faced and close to tears, she added:

"I didn't want to remember all this pain. Why can't you be the new Syaoran instead? He doesn't hurt me. I can still breathe when I see him. My heart still has a beat."

He leaned in and brushed her lips with a feather kiss.

"Maybe you can be the living dead." he offered.

When she had control of her words, he was gone, clicking the door on his way out.

"Where's that Chinese gaki?" Toya demanded, a mallet in his hand.

Sakura sank into the chair opposite of where he just was, staring at the brown grains embedded into the table. Kero-chan floated in while Toya inspected the closets for…er…"gaki-looking mice". He poked her shoulder carefully. He was concerned, but being deathly close to the plaster-coated walls more than twice a day was _not_ worth it.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Why is he here? I can't breathe anymore…" she trailed off.

Kero-chan left her alone, knowing that she needed to think things through. Besides, mice-hunting had taken a turn for the fun. Kero-chan's eyes glinted with a mischievous and suspicious-looking glare that Toya had already acquired. 

Grabbing a mallet as well, both continued the imaginary hunt out of boredom.

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Once again, I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry! (cries) I feel as cheated as you do!

Porcelain-Carrier-67


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Card Captor Sakura because for the past week or so I've had a bad case of writer's block and have been sifting through ideas that take up so much of my time, I haven't been able to get anywhere _near_ the copyrights.

Okay, before we begin, I have 2 things to address:

1. FORGIVE ME FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE! WAH!

2. And, ahem. There's this wonderful, edgy, and zany authoress out there that I'm sure at least half of you haven't reviewed yet. She goes by **Saba Butt **and has written 3 stories of her own (like me! ) and would appreciate reviews on any of her stories; but just posted up a KxI one-shot only 3 days ago. Oh, and while you're there, take her poll, because the voter's feedback is just as important as the reader's! 

Thanks, and on with Chapter 4!

Chapter 4

Sakura ran to her room, back tight against the wall. Peeking around the corner, she dodged a blue vase just in time to hear it shatter where her head had been. As dangerous as this newfound situation was, she had to suppress a giggle. Apparently, Toya and Kero-chan _had_ found a real mouse. A swarm of them, actually.

"I'M GONNA GET YOU NO GOOD DIRTY ROTTEN PEA-EYED BLACK AND WHITE DEVILS!" Toya screamed.

And also, they had apparently eaten his cheese curl stash, Sakura saw as a white mouse with a black tail scampered by, his fur muddled with orange. 

Uh-oh.

"GET. BACK. HERE!!"

Sakura ducked as low as she could and rolled out of her big brother's stomping feet before they, _or_ his mallet, could smash her. Blowing a piece of hair away from her eyes, she sighed.

"And he calls _me _a monster."

He clobbered 12 steps into pancakes. And missed the mouse completely each time. How hard was it to hit _one_ mouse when there were 80 of them? Not that she wanted him to, but it was just a thought.

Sakura closed her door lightly and leaned against it, her heard swarming with the thoughts that _refused_ to be pushed aside. They were _her_ thoughts. Why wouldn't they listen to _her_

Her fingers grazed her lips where they had met Syaoran's. There was nothing there now, but they felt warm under her touch. Like he was still right there. And the memories tugged and pulled, ripping open the wound that had passed onto her so long ago. 

She breathed in sharply, and clutched her chest, doubling over. 

Why was it still there? What was opening it again and again? Why wouldn't anything do what she wanted anymore? What had made everything she knew fall out of her control so fast? And…would it always be like this? Was it already set?

Sakura shook her head back and forth, as if throwing the painful thoughts that were holding onto her into the walls and desk. Anything that might make them lose hold.

But while she sucked in air and her head was ringing, she knew that it had done nothing. The thoughts and feelings crawled right in, latched themselves without hesitation in the strong chained bonds that connected them all. Sakura knew this, and it pained her as well. If she knew what these things were and how they worked, why couldn't she figure out the reverse? Why?

The girl turned out the light and everything was momentarily dark. Then she gained her vision and sank down, the soft comforter of her bed cradling her head like Syaoran used to. 

Sakura didn't care about her wound anymore. It was infected, ragged, ripped to shreds, morbid, and fatal. If she could do nothing for it and there was no treatment, all she _could_ do was accept it, hoping that it would fail to grow any larger.

All she could do was hope.

The rain had stopped a while ago, and the sun had warmed up the swings again. Syaoran was glad to see he wouldn't have to get wet again. Immediately, that is. It was inevitable that he'd be soaked once more sooner or later.

Meiling and the family were in Hong Kong. His mother had sold the house where they and Wei had lived in for what seemed like too short a time. Yelan was doing fine at home, running everything smoothly, even with his four sisters wailing over how much they missed their cute little Sakura-chan. Syaoran always had to leave the room then to keep from screaming.

So he had no place to go now, and nothing to do, but sit here and swing. He hoped it wouldn't be cold. Penguin Park was, oddly enough, open at all times, which made him quizzical as to why exactly, but at least he had something to do and…_someplace_ to stay.

Hearing a growl of sorts, he looked up to see a giant swarm of mice running and scampering at full speed to God-knows-where. Syaoran chuckled weakly, thinking he heard one of them giggle wickedly.

"AND YOU BETTER STAY AWAY FROM MY CHEESE CURLS!"

Uh-oh.

Toya _followed_ that pack of mice with his really huge mallet, as Syaoran saw. A shiver traveled through him, imagining what Toya said about "killing him if Sakura weren't right there". Well, she wasn't. Swiftly climbing to a higher perch on the thin rod that held the swings into place, he held his body erect; as still as a statue. But Toya saw him anyway.

"What are you doing here, you Chinese-gaki?" he shouldered the mallet, then seeing his expression, threw it into some bushes.

Syaoran's confidence returned. "I'm allowed to go where I want to!"

"But _why _would you want to go here?" he pressed.

The boy looked away. 

"No place to go?" Toya guessed.

Syaoran bared his teeth and kicked off, landing in a perfect dismount among the coverage of the trees. Here, he cried silent trails. Why did being alone suddenly feel so crushing?

Toya sat down in the swing next to where he had been and rocked back and forth a little.

"Maybe I overreacted a little…" he began. He perked his ears up. Toya--reconsidering? "and it might not be so horrible if you came back and stayed with us. Nothing we've tried has worked. It's always the same." he continued softly, "She doesn't change an inch. Even a furious reaction out of her would be different. Lately…she's become more and more of a doll--beautiful and normal on the outside. But you can tell. Her eyes are dead. And eyes tell you what goes on inside people. So…somewhere along the line, she died. And maybe you can do something about it."

"_She died, Syaoran. She used to be Sakura, but…some things can't be fixed in only two years."_

Syaoran abandoned the security of the trees. Landing roughly, he stood up, wiped his eyes and said:

"I'll go. Maybe the living dead should choose what they really are."

Sakura came back downstairs after a while. Toya had left, and she had no idea when he'd be back. Kero-chan had stolen what was left of the stash and was pigging out of the sofa. The TV was on, but it was only on because it _could_ be, not because it was "needed". It didn't show anything that mattered to Sakura. They were just hues and hues of colors that changed and shifted to the perspective of the one watching. All she saw was useless time being taken away from her.

She turned to go into the kitchen and clean up the mess she knew Toya and Kero-chan had made and stopped. Locking her green orbs with amber ones, she barely heard Toya drone out a message in the background.

"_Syaoran will be staying with us and there's no changing it. So get used to seeing him around here, okay Sakura?"_

Her breath hitched, fire coursed down her throat, and her stomach was coated in boiling acid. Her wound grew and grew until it consumed her and she smiled.

"I'll be happy to see you to your room, Syaoran."

Her eyes were cloudy and dead.

O.o Dun-dun-dunnnn! Hehe, I consider that a cliffhanger, my friends. And by the way, anyone read the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson? I just finished the 3rd and wanna read the 4th. I hear Nudge gets a new ability? And NEWS FLASH: There's going to be a MOVIE coming out 7/10/08. Anyone who knows what the heck I'm talking about, I'd love to have a conversation with you!

Aside from that, criticism is accepted. _Constructive_ criticism is better though.

R&R, thank you!

Porcelian-Carrier-67


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Card Captor Sakura and let's face it--unless million of dollars fall from the sky and into my lap, I never shall. Sigh. Now I am slightly depressed.

I'm sorry I haven't updated this story in a while. I kinda got…writer's block? Yeah, my creativity kidnapped my sanity and went for a joyride. Nice, huh? Anyway, if you have any ideas or suggestions tell me--it may give me ideas!

So, I'd like to thank my 2 reviewers:

-- Cheeseycraziness

and

-- a-k-a-amber

Also, my anonymous readers get kudos too! Thanks so much for checking out my stories everyone! Onward with the chapter!!

--

Chapter 5

Syaoran's eyes widened. Giving a quick sideways glance over to Toya, he saw he had noticed the change as well. Her eyes lost every ounce of light left within them and the smile she painted on was plastic. Syaoran was scared Toya was going to ram his head into a blender, but instead he calmly addressed Sakura as if nothing was wrong.

"Will you take Syaoran to the guest bedroom?"

"Hai, oniichan." she responded. He blinked.

"You haven't called me 'oniichan' in a while." he stated.

She shrugged. "I suppose I wanted to take it up again."

Giving a slight bow towards Syaoran, she added: "Come along, now. You need to get settled in, right?"

Syaoran shifted his weight. "Why don't you go up and wait for me, okay?"

She nodded and walked calmly up the stairs. Normal Sakura would have sprinted or even tripped.

"I'm really sorry, Toya." was the first thing that spilled out his mouth.

He gave him a sad look. "At least we tried."

"What are you saying?" Syaoran asked carefully.

Toya sighed. "Maybe…" he ran a hand through his black hair, "maybe we can't change her. Maybe it's better to just give up."

"No!" Syaoran shouted.

The force of his voice echoed along the kitchen walls. Toya's eyebrows lifted.

"How can you just give up on her? She's always looked to you for help, and she's always loved you--even when she doesn't admit it!" he said hotly. "You have a family left and you can't just throw them to the wolves when things get hard! You need to stick this out and show her you aren't going to leave until things change and she gets better! Don't you see? She needs someone to guide her. She's the one that needs saving, instead of the other way around."

Toya took a step towards Syaoran, his tall figure looming over the 16-year-old. When he looked in Syaoran's eyes, the boy saw the pain welling up and spilling over in the form of tears.

"I know, but what can I do? I can't help her--otherwise she'd be better by now. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong--it's just--" He broke off and shook his head. After a moment he added: "Why don't you try?"

"A lot of good I did!" he scoffed instantly, then winced.

"No, I mean…things can always be undone, right? But it's the source that has to undo them. Yeah, it is." Toya walked away, flicking the light off on his way, leaving Syaoran in the dark; in both senses.

--

"Hello, Syaoran!" Sakura chirped, handing him a pair of pajamas. He cocked his head. She giggled, answering his unsaid question. "I kept some of Toya's clothes just in case Sy--" her pupils retracted for a moment and her breath stuttered. Quickly, she discarded her sentence. "Oyasumi nasai!" And she flew out of the room in an instant.

He knew he couldn't coax it out of her, so be merely accepted the façade and got dressed into the comfy(if not slightly baggy)blue pajamas. He really wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed at a decent time, but knew he'd never get to sleep if he didn't check on her at least once. Syaoran crept across the hall on feet so quiet and absolutely sure, he could have treaded on water and not a ripple would have been made.

He opened her door just as silently, noting the drone of Kero's snore, and slipped inside undetected. His amber eyes flitted around the room; already accustomed to the darkness. They landed on Sakura's sleeping form and softened. The covers had been kicked slightly, so that at least half of her body was under or over them. Her disheveled hair was messy, but oddly pretty. A loose strand fell over the bridge of her nose and over one of her sleeping eyes.

Sakura made a quick fist out of her right hand and her face was momentarily pained. Syaoran knelt down next to her, and studied the girl's movements. What exactly was she dreaming of?

"Syaoran…" she said.

He froze. She said it so clearly, for a moment he had thought she'd awoken. But her fist loosened and she calmed a little. Then she muttered:

"Stupid…come here…rain…back…"

He smiled, despite himself. He remembered back when they were still little. He had run into the rain to chase around a ball he'd dropped and Sakura was scared out of her wits. The worst part came when he got it. A truck came barreling down the road, and for a while he was immobile; his hold on the ball tight enough to whiten his knuckles. At the last second, he jumped and rolled away--landing in a puddle.

When he opened his eyes, Sakura was above him, her face pained and pleading. Rain drops from her soaked body fell onto his cheek. Before he could say anything, she threw herself at him, crying and sobbing.

"Baka! Baka! You're so stupid! I-I told you to come back! I told you! Why wouldn't you-you wait? You're so stupid, Syaoran!"

Though he was cold, shivering and hurting, he had patted the top of her hair and replied:

"Don't cry. It was stupid, but I'm okay. Just a little…"

He fell asleep then, and began shivering. Hard.

Sakura was at a loss for some time. All she heard was tip-tap, a heart beat, and nature's silence. She softly called his name, hoping he'd hear her inside, but knew it wasn't possible. So she picked him up.

His weight was startlingly heavy and it took her a few tries to get it right, but she did. She kept talking like he could hear her for both their sakes.

"If we both have a fever by the time I get us home, you are going to be in so much trouble, Syaoran Li!"

But she knew she didn't mean it. It was just something to say. Eventually, she made it back, her father in hysterics over both of them. Toya got back from a school trip to find out what happened and tortured Sakura all the while she was sick about "how much they loved each other". From that day on, he bewared of her power over shoes.

Syaoran let a low chuckle escape. It was bittersweet in the beginning, and definitely scary, but they both made it out okay. At least for a little while. It made him feel a little better to know that she still dreamed of what they used to be. Things that didn't pain her very much. It was nice to know she dreamt of him at all.

He kept those thoughts in mind as he closed the door behind him and wearily met his own dreams.

--

VOCAB TIME!!

Oyasumi nasai: Goodnight

Oniichan: Big brother

Baka: Stupid or idiot

Thanks for reading everyone! Bye byes, cause I have a dance and I got some socks to rock! Whoo! Signing off:

Porcelian-Carrier-67


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: I don't own CCS because the rabid ninja bunnies guard the copyrights. Ever tried fighting rabid ninja bunnies? (scoffs) Yeah.

Thankies to:

Cheeseycraziness, and a-k-a-amber!

Sorry I haven't updated in…okay, a real long time. I hope, however, this chapter helps make up for that. (Please!)

_Thinking._

--

Chapter 6

Syaoran rolled over at the mango-shaded sunlight dazzling him. Unfortunately, he rolled a _little_ too far. Thumping onto the rough wood floor, he groaned. _Today is going to be b-e-a-u-tiful._

Pushing himself into a sitting position he jumped up at the unexpected sound of his lock clicking. The knob turned and in popped Sakura; same-color, blank eyes in tow.

"Good morning," she greeted.

"Hello." he grumbled.

She just giggled.

"Why don't you say anything back?" he snapped. "Sakura wouldn't have let it go. She would have pouted and tried to stomp my foot while tossing some remark straight back at me!"

"I _am_ Sakura, Li-kun." she objected.

"Sakura calls me Syaoran. When you can say that name right to my face, I'll believe you." he said coldly.

"You're so silly. Do you want pancakes? Or waffles? What would you like for breakfast?"

He lost it. "_Sakura_ knows what I like! You aren't Sakura, so bring her _back_! I want Sakura! How am I going to apologize for screwing up so bad to a fake…plastic-smiled…shell!?"

Quivering, she rubbed her forearms, as if she were cold. Her pupils retracted to small dots and stayed fixated in their surprise. What was this boy saying? She didn't know him and he didn't know her.

"Just a soaked rat…I'm Sakura Kinomoto. Everything is perfect. I am not broken. I am not plastic or fake. I am not junk." she muttered to herself.

Syaoran swooped in, pushing her into the wall and pinning her arms to it. His hard, penetrating gaze dissected her; immobilizing her. She could only listen with eyes wide and tears spilling over her paled face.

"I love Sakura," he began, "I love her and wish I'd never met her at the same time. She'd be better off and I'd--I'd have probably found someone." he chuckled. "No matter what, someone would have loved her." He directed his attention back to her. "So cut it with this act. Toya is pulling his hair out like feathers in worry. Do you want him to be tormented like that? No. I can see it in _her_ eyes, she doesn't. So give me back Sakura. Now."

Sakura shuddered; blinked in fright. Her wound was hissing and spitting fire into her heart, filling her lungs with smoke. It was getting hard to breathe. Falling from his grip, the girl clutched her chest, slowly drifting down to the floor. There was a choice. Accept the pain and try to go over it with the strong probability she'd fail, or sink back into her alter ego recluse. It wasn't much of a life, but…it was hollow. Nice and hollow.

She stared piteously into the auburn eyes of what she knew now was really the Syaoran she'd wanted to paint was into her foggy memories. Her lids drooped. His musical voice etched its cool flow into her eardrums and her eyes reopened for a moment more.

"Syaoran…you are Syaoran." she whispered.

--

Toya skirted into the room, just as she spoke those last words.

"Syaoran…you are Syaoran."

Her hand loosened its grip around the fabric of her shirt, but still remained there. He gently removed it. Toya shot a questioning look at him.

"I got her back. She's ours!" he laughed.

Toya broke into smiles and hooted, tackling the younger boy down in a massive glomp very unlike him. Laughing with each other, their silver and wind chime laughs mingled and burst, filling every inch of space with it. It wasn't productive, but it was something needed. Necessary like air.

"Thank you," he breathed.

"I had to get her back for me, too." Syaoran smirked.

Toya copied his expression. "Chinese gaki."

"Overprotective caveman."

These comments only made them laugh with more clarity. Kero-chan mumbled angrily and threw one of his tiny pillows at Sakura's ajar door, causing it to creak its hinges and close again.

"Oh, pudding…how I love thee…how pudding…your eyes are like the dawn…!" he intoned.

--

Sakura shifted in her light, troubled sleep and awakened simultaneously, sitting up see the sun glinting off the mirrored glass balcony doors of Syaoran's guest bedroom.

She sighed. It was like she'd been on autopilot. Her body was there--responding--but she…wasn't. She curled her fingers a few times. No real feelings got through. Not with anybody. Changing her fingers into a fist, she slammed it into the bed. The springs groaned, but no more than that.

"Are you alright, Sakura?"

Syaoran was perched lazily against the glass frame, his hair in one of his eyes, peering intently at her. She blushed for a moment.

"Yeah, just…coping."

"Poor mattress. 'Least there aren't any lumps now." His mouth curved into a smile she just had to copy.

"I missed you." she admitted.

He strode over and sat down next to the girl. "I missed not talking. To you. Or anyone."

She looked at him with confusion; her brow creasing.

"What do you mean? How can you not…talk?"

"You know how you tried to hide your pain?" She winced. "I did it silently, so nobody'd get through. Like extra precautions. I couldn't just come out and saw 'I miss her' when _I _left you here without a word. Well, a note really."

His lips were pulled into grim smile.

"All I said was: 'Sorry. Things aren't working. Have a nice life. Hope I never have to see you again.' Not exactly the Love of the Century."

"You don't deserve to hurt like this." she offered.

"You said the same thing to me that day, you know?" he remembered.

"…Why did you leave me? Why with such cruelty?" Sakura bit her lip.

He hesitated. "I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I was never good enough for you and you _know_ that. You could have done much better than me. Things would have been better if you'd just said no. I would have been out of your life; just a fuzzy memory in the back corners of your dreams--"

Sakura wound her hand back and slapped him hard against his cheek. He reeled back from the blow, gazing at her in surprise. She stood to her full height and screamed at him.

"That was all you wanted to do!? Leave me behind to _help_ me!? How could you--I screamed my heart out; cried and shut myself out because I thought you hated _me_ for saying "yes" and you say you were to blame!? No! Is it so impossible for you to understand--to see--I'd rather be buried alive than never have to see you again for "my own health"!? I _need _you! So suck it up and listen! I do not, nor will I ever, think you aren't good enough! I'll never leave you! If anything--if anything, I'm the worthless one…" she ended.

He stood up as well; her words echoing off the walls like bullets fired off from a magazine, one by one.

Tracing her jaw line, she shivered. Giving her a small grin, he leaned in and kissed her for the first time in two and a half years.

--

Yay! I'm happy! Woo!

Audience: Great. Aaah.

Me: Don't blow a blood vessel.

Audience: You'd love that wouldn't you?

Me: What makes you say that? (scoots popcorn away from view)

There's the new chapter! Thanks everyone for reading--bye!

See you later:

Porcelian-Carrier-67


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